I feel so drained. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm alive. It gets harder everyday to find that one reason to wake up in the morning. I don't greet a new day with optimism or expectancy anymore. I have nothing to look forward to. I feel as if I'm a robot programmed to do the same routine day in and day out. Nothing is new. I feel like there is always something holding me in place and I can't move forward nor backwards. I hate this. But most of all, I hate me.

It was great seeing all of my lovelies today <3 Had so much fun. Olive is adorable like always c: Can't wait to go out with you all soon uhuhuhuuh.

"Goodbye, my love, my friend, my pain, my joy. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye."

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and think to myself "Wow Tendy. Why are you so ugly?" "Why is your face so fat?" "Why is your face shaped like that?" "Why are your eyes so misshapen?" "Why is your nose so pig-like?" "This is why no guys like you." "You're too ugly." Yeah... on days like this, I feel so hideous that I don't want to go out. When I do go out, I feel like everyone's staring at me because I'm a hideous creature. Today is such a day. Luckily, I stayed home the whole day.

What frustrates me the most...

is that I'm average at everything.
I don't have a huge interest in something.
And that's not good because I'm in college... I should have something I'm interested in so that I could pursue that field.
I envy people who are passionate about art or passionate about science or passionate about anything at all.
Even if that person can't draw good, I envy how that person has the motivation to improve his or her drawing skills.
Me?
Nothing.
Sure, I want to be a nurse... but am I passionate about it?
No.
Sure, I like science.
But am I passionate about it?
No.
Gah.
I need to stop.
I need a break.
From everything.

i need to stop.

Burp.
Sigh.
I don't like staying home.
It makes me think about things that make me sad.
Burp.